I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
