if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
