Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i think i just lost a toe
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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