I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
