You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
