i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
