I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
