do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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