I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
