i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
