do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just forgot I was standing up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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