hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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