So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
