i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
