he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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