can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
