Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
