this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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