dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
