So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
