I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
