Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
