Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
