in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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