I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
