I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
