just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
