Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
FUCK WHALES
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
