Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
