so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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