i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
