walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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