I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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