D3 body, D1 cock
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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