After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
