You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
