I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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