You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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