it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your penis caused this!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
