I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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