I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
