good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
