alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
