she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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