listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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