Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
