Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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