New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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