I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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