Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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