He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We need a shit load of segways right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
