you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm always down for nudity.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
