He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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