There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
