used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
