8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
