May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
