That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
