need another drink. this is the easiest way
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize