The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
