Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
