i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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