I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
