your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
