Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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